and I quote…
Mr. Dwight Schrute
Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words - hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Dwight: Once I’m officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
Pam: but Dwight, what happens if you die? how would we get in?
Dwight: Pam, if I’m dead, you’ve all been dead for weeks.
Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles aren’t made for adults.
Dwight: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
Pam: It’s a nice tux.
Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so… family heirloom.
Dwight’s Speech: BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds through out the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fists] Not only the years we’ve been at war – the war of work – but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bangs fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [mild applause] Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a maniacal sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They’ll conjure up images of used car dealers, and door to door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesman – and women – of the world… unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together… TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND…
